Not quite a mop, not quite a puppet

iamamuppet @ 2004-11-01T13:30:00

2004-11-01T19:30:12Z

Just got done watching the United States of LeeLand, must say that it was a great movie. It just fits the style of something like the Catcher in the Rye, which I love and indentify with quite a bit. But I got to thinking what happened to Holden Caulfield? THe idea that he stays that way upsets me. I don't want to imagine myself past the age of 25 still identifing with him. I'm going to try this post again later, perhaps I will be able to elaborate on what I'm thinking. I just wanted to get some of this out now.

suffer some more

2004-10-30T21:07:25Z

Freudian Inventory Results

Genital (63%) you appear to have a progressive and constructive outlook on life.
Latency (53%) you appear to have a good balance of knowledge seeking and practicality.
Phallic (56%) you appear to have a good balance of sexual awareness and sexual composure.
Anal (46%) you appear to have a good balance of self control and spontaneity.
Oral (60%) you appear to have a good balance of independence and interdependence.

Take Free Freudian Inventory Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Name Origin: Latin
Number of Syllables: 2.00
Gender: Male

More interesting facts about the name Justin:

Lucky Number: 3
Ruling Planet: Jupiter
Element: Fire
Primary Color: Yellow
Traits: The investigator; the scientist; the seeker. An interest in material rather than the spiritual. Ideas on religion frequently change. Has a great sense of humor. Not greatly interested in money. Very trusting, yet likes to know the "why" and the "how".

Quizzes, as if you care

2004-10-30T20:46:26Z

What Makes You Sexy? by eva71
Name/NickName
Gender
Sexy Body Part Is	Everything
Special Talents Are	Giving The Rub Down

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates a	10
your best quality is	youre responsible
your worst quality is	youre a bitch!
this is because	its genetic

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	mysterious
Your hugs are...	to die for
Your eyes...	light up a day
Your touch is...	the only thing I desire
Your smell is...	beautiful
Your smile is...	encouraging
Your love is...	one of a kind

Quiz created with MemeGen!

iamamuppet @ 2004-10-23T02:06:00

2004-10-23T07:05:53Z

Life isn't the tortoise and the hare. The hare will be an ass and you'll want the tortoise, the good guy, to win, but no. Eye on the prize, close to pulling it off, some how the hare completely smokes the tortoise in the end. Everyone will route for the underdog, but when he loses no one cares to stick around.
Go Tortoise.
I don't get it.
I could have found it easier to let go I suppose if he wasn't such an ass about the whole thing. Sure, he's alright with letting it go, I would have been cool if that was all. Instead he has her get tested for stds?! This is where I get deeply hurt and offended. I'd really like to know why she subjected herself to that as well. How or why a person would put up with that. If you're going to let it go, then do it, but that isn't right. All though I'm not talking to her anymore, I guess out of a courtsey that was never given to me, I still deal with the urge of writing to her. But then again Fuck it. If that's where she wants to to be, fuck it. After everything I've said and done. I couldn't be any more sincere, and if that wasn't enough then that's not my fault.

Status Update

2004-08-08T20:15:19Z

So I've fallen behind a bit, my apologies to any one who might care. How ever, it's been a little chaotic since finding out that I was going to be kicked out, unable to enroll in school due to my own fincicial situation, and not wanting to settle for a full time job when I wanted to go back to school. I looked into my options, a room mate here would have worked but I would have not been able to save anything for school. So my only real choice was to move to Arizona with my family there. I would be supported, fed, and be able to pick up finicial aide for school. It would have been for my own good, and a fresh start.
So I made the decision, and started gathering my things together and checking into the cost of moving. Then I had a conversation with my father with my father asking about my plans, and I told him it looks like I'm moving. When I told him where he flipped out, commenting that it may not be the best choice for me, but it is my choice and that it's not like we're kicking you out...
Then I got to tell him of the note I recieved, at which point it was made clear that he knew nothing of it. Wanting not to create problems, I didn't let him read the note that I was given. I'm just going to go on thinking that I ended up taking the high road on thatr one.
So I'm still here, living at home and I don't think that there has been a word said between Amy and me since. As of right now I'm trying to get myself into the Navy. Things right now have me believing that all is going well on that subject, and that I should be able to know by the end of the month whether or not I'm going to be in or not. Wish me luck.

Christy: A Rant

2004-07-24T04:54:22Z

So I'm sitting here tonight with a bottle of vodka by my side, I'm alone in the house and I'm currently listening to pink floyd, so what gets me to this point. Well I'll just blame it on everything that has gone on this summer. Let me try to get things out that i've probably hit on before here. I ran into Christi's best friend tonight on accident, I forgot where she works and then on top of it all she's the only cashier, so i had to check out there. If not for the fact that she had to be civil I would have had my ass ripped into. Instead I got the coldest glare possible. You know I feel bad for how things worked out with Christy. I know she was madly in love with me, and would have followed me to the end to of the world. I never doubted that, I just got scared of everything. A few stories just got me scared out of my mind and made me think, main story was of her sister and sister's huband (who still live at home) who went on a cruise by themselves, and by the end of the first day they called complaining of how they wanted to come back home. They just had become sheltered and dependant of the family they lived with that when it came down to being alone, they didn't know how to be alone. I had gotten to that point of comfort where I just felt more comfortable sitting at her house with her family. I just couldn't keep things interesting between the two of us, and i feared about the future. I don't know. Would have loved to have it work, she was everything I ever wanted, but I'm to blame for it not working. That I didn't try hard enough to keep things working between us. I guess it doesn't matter, I don't think she knows why, I don't think she'd listen if I tried to explain. Not Like I deserve that much from her.

Alas, I need to freshen my drink. Maybe I'll be back to rant some more, we'll see how this next round goes for me.

eviction notice

2004-07-13T18:59:18Z

And now for your pleasure the note that they were nice enough to leave me, copied verbatum, so the rest of you can understand the lack grasp of spelling and grammer my step-mother possesses.

Justin,
It now July, we have decided you home board will be 50 per week. You owe $100 this for- I expect payment ASAP on next week on 19th on 50 on-week week on Monday Leave $50 on the fridge or counter Also- your car ins. will be canceld as of the 15th of July you need to make arangement for ins. Please pic up your mail off the stairs + let your dad know what you've done about school-Remember Aug 30 is the dead Line to eithe school+ present job or a 40 per week Full time Job or we will move you on the 1st of Sept.
-Amy

Starving (A RANT)

2004-07-09T07:09:29Z

If you don't know I'm 5'9" 140 lbs, less then 10% is body fat. I don't eat much because there is never food in the house. They eat out a lot, never bother to ask if I want anything never bother getting me anything. They rarely cook, and if they do it's a night I work. I would store my own food, but since they don't stock the pantry themselves my food is then left open to attack by any other hungry individual. I'm left to eat out, which because of money it is made a burden for me to eat. I weigh the same as I did 7 years ago, but I'm also 7 inches taller. I really just want to be able to eat.
I want to cry because feeding myself has become a burden....I'd rant more but I'm starving right now, and really this above all else is what pisses me off about my situation. They see me, they're watching me waste away. Any one is like DEAR GOD EAT SOMETHING. They don't do a damn thing for me, don't say anything about me needing to eat something. Probably better for them if they don't come to terms with it, cause then they might be guilted in to feeding me. God forbid that you feed your child out of guilt.

Fear of Home (A Rant)

2004-07-09T07:07:29Z

i'm expected to pay insurance, cell phone, rent, food, and school, living at home. I'm expected to be in school by august, and i can get no finicial aide, nor are they willing to help me out with it. They're likely to toss me out if i'm not in school. Even then they plan on moving again next may and have already let me know that i'm 'not a part of their plans'. I work at blockbuster, make no more then $900 a month. still looking at school, might be able to find a roommate, looking at new jobs. I need something that pays a bit better, but I also would like to keep my insurance I get from them. After two years without I will finally have health insurance again. Next week I'm going to find a doctor, and get back on meds for my anxiety, because I'm a wreck.

Update

2004-07-09T06:39:29Z

Well just to update for any one following along, I had the interveiw with my nieghbor and it went well. I'm welcome to work there the only set back is the fact that I'd be paying about $500 to become licensed as a loan officer, then I'd be working on comission from that point forth. Good money once it would start coming in...It's a risk though. I don't know....

iamamuppet @ 2004-07-06T20:57:00

2004-07-07T01:56:46Z

I need to be careful when I fall asleep. I left the tv on today while I napped and apparently it was left on the history channel...oh god the dreams got a little wierd, the first show was about robots which was then followed by a nice strom that hit the Atlantic coast about ten years ago. I have a job interview tomorrow with my next door nieghbor, if all goes well I'd be working mortgage. A good shot at money, I would be grateful if it works out. My ass will be moving out. Don't get me wrong I'll probably be getting my ass out here anyways. Things aren't going too well for me, I have to pay all my bills including rent and food, and not to mention that they want me to pay for my own school. With no money saved and no way of getting financail aide, because they make too much, I'm all about fucked living with my dad. No one would be heartbroken if I left. Hell I might be moving to Arizona, at least I'd have real family there.

iamamuppet @ 2004-06-29T13:45:00

2004-06-29T18:44:24Z

hmm..I'm again remembering why I don't keep up with these things, someone reads them and gets hurt over what I said. I Need to vent, but no one will listen enough..

iamamuppet @ 2004-06-29T03:31:00

2004-06-29T08:31:10Z

wierd, I didn't think it would happen for at least a long time if not forever, but Christy is talking to me again. It doesn't help me much though, it only makes me remember that i was the ass who broke up with her. It was nothing she did though, it was all on me. I just couldn't handle the relationship, couldn't find a way to make it work. I had doubts that I never really discussed, if I did I don't know it would have solved anything. The people who know me are impressed and see this as progess for me, not because of breaking up with her, but because I actually broke up and didn't have some new girl to fall back on, to fall back on. Now I'm left to actaully deal with it, and I'm not sure I'm handling it all too well. It's hard to know that I had a great beautiful girl, that loved me and would love me to the end of the earth, and to know that it is not meant to be. It's a truth that I don't want to admit to, because it is everything that I have ever wanted in another person, and for some stupid reason....damn i hate this... and want to crawl under a rock right now....

Going to Hell

2004-06-27T20:04:17Z

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	High
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test

iamamuppet @ 2004-06-23T14:08:00

2004-06-23T19:08:01Z

Well then, I'm single again. Broke up today. I feel a little wierd, thought I should care a bit more about the whole thing but I'm ok with it. I really want Christi to be ok, and I'd like to be able to be there as a friend. That would only make things worse. Oh well. I just really think that she needs to figure herself out as a person. I just can't be there for her with that. I'm just getting myself together and I need to keep myself focused on my goals. I mean, it's all for the best right?

iamamuppet @ 2004-06-22T22:04:00

2004-06-23T03:03:53Z

hooray for the rebirth of my journal. The nslackerking has died now, and that brings some rejoicing to the people. Looking at school right now so that at least going well. My problem right now of course is the same as it ever was, the girls. I'm been with Christi for 5 months now, but I don't feel like it's going to last much longer. Maybe I've just hit the point where I want to bail over anything, but she's really bothering and getting on my nerves. I just get the feeling that she's in love but not nessacraly with me personally. I'm just at that point where I need to feel supported. I feel more support from Courtney, who has been there for me anytime I've needed some one. Lately Courtney has been hanging out with this other guy, he's going to be leaving this weekend for the army, and I couldn't be more releaved. She's questioned me as to whether or not she should do anything with him. I've always advised her against it. I just don't want to see her hurt over him leaving, and more importantly she deserves better. I sound possessive. Maybe I am, but I care more about her then I let on most of the time.